Dear Friend:
WHAT ARE YOU, A CHRISTIAN, to do about someone who is being obnoxious? How do you, Christian person, behave toward someone who makes daily life or work miserable?
I know what I am tempted to say and do, and I do not fault you one bit if you feel angry, attacked, and act out of that anger and attack. That seems to me quite natural; may not be all that helpful but natural. Feelings are what they are, they have been prompted, and our own health and well-being survives best if we do not ignore or suppress feelings. ACTING upon those feelings is another matter; and acting as Christ would, another matter still.
This is tough business, that first; and no easier (maybe much harder) for a person making the effort to be Christian. Matthew in the Bible has some counsel; he hears Jesus addressing a similar matter. In the Bible it has to do with one Christian being violated by another, so this is not an exact duplication, but the counsel still may be worthwhile.
Jesus says, “when someone else violates you, tell the other person what they have done to you - - disrespected you by their language, attacked you by charges or allegations, used language you find offensive, hateful. You are NOT telling them they are hateful, vulgar, vile; you say what that which they have done has done to you, you speak for and about yourself. That is a beginning, because it means talking MOST to the other person involved directly, not only about the other to someone else. You may find useful the encouragement and counsel OF ANOTHER, but mostly speak directly to the one involved.
Then, the Lord says, “If they listen, o.k., but if not (and he well recognizes they may not) if not, tell the matter to (he says) the church (you may have to substitute your own appropriate community, but it means you do not have to carry this all by yourself, it belongs on the shoulders of that community, family, company, etc).
The Lord continues, “if they will not listen to the community (and again he knows they may not) let them be as one who has put THEMSELVES outside the community.” Your dealing with them need not continue.
Two things: one, that may be much easier said than done, and it shall not be done lightly, but no one must or should accept unchallenged another’s hateful, hurtful behavior. Period. Two, here in this matter, in the Bible, is where one of the great, often-quoted lines of Jesus is given, here in this difficult matter he says, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Remember that - - in this, one of the most upsetting and troubling circumstances we experience, he promises to be a partner to us. You are not alone, you are not abandoned. That remembered gives you an enormous advantage.
Sincerely,
Pastor Condon
